Growth

The weather was beautiful here this weekend. The kids even got to get out of the house without coats.

I have been practicing with my camera but struggle with taking pictures in the shadows. They always seem so dark. I guess I will need to figure out how to compensate for it......later, sometime when I have time.


Uh, maybe this summer....uh, second session since I should be taking two classes the first.

I realize now that taking 4 classes this semester was suicidal. But, I am committed and know that this time will pass quickly....perhaps too quickly. I have a few projects to do and have no clue what I am doing.

I know that some things slide when I am taking classes. Housework being a big one. Yard work....yea that too. I am thankful that it is winter right now and nothing is growing in the yard. All too soon the weeds will start to shoot up and will grow quicker then anything I have planted. I have a hard time keeping up with the weeks....and the grass that doesn't grow where I want it to grow but loves to flourish in the flower beds. I guess the nice weather has me thinking of spring.

One thing that is growing around here is my kids. I received a notice that kindergarten registration is this month. Sometimes it is hard for me to believe that I will be registering my baby for kindergarten. It is also hard for me to believe that I am registering a child for kindergarten when I have grown kids! I know how quickly kids grow up....but it still catches me off guard every time I notice it.

I think that I have had some growth myself this last week. We were attacked by the medical community. It tested us in ways I hadn't thought about. Our integrity was questioned, our ability to take care of a child was questioned. We found that to be very painful. In the end a biological parent defended us. I still find that surprising. They said that they recognized that we were taking good care of their children.

Sometimes it feels like foster care is an "us versus them" type of situation. To us it is not. We truly are not out there to try and take someones child. We have worked with parents to help them get their children back. We have been mentors to the parents and have helped them after their children went home. We know that the goal is reunification.

We have treated the parents of our foster children with respect. We meet them in the hospital and answered all their questions. We treat them as the parents that they are. I have sent them pictures of their children. I ensure that they know of any growth their girls have in my home.

So, why does it surprise me when a parent of my foster child stands up and defends me? Why do I expect the worse? Why has the foster/adoption system made me so jaded?

I guess that I have some soul searching to do.

Any how was your weekend? Hope your Monday is great!

Balance

Well, we are trying to find our new balance after last week. It seems like the one who is most affected by chaos in our home is Larissa. She becomes afraid of separation and will frequently sleep in our master bedroom.
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She is our first child who has slept in our bedroom at this age but seems to need it so much. Right now she is sleeping on the couch on top of Lucy. Obviously she will need carried to bed again tonight.

The baby is doing a little better after two days of iron supplements. I feel that in some way we are just patching a medical issue. I would like to know what is causing her to be anemic given she is eating a healthy diet. I probably will never know. The foster babies have a court date in mid-March and may go home at the time. If the bios do not continue the iron supplements I wonder if she will have this same problem again.

This entire medical episode has been so frustrating. We feel as though we have been under attack. I hope that the baby continues to improve. Today she was awake for about 6 hours and her eyes looked better. That is a big improvement over sleeping more then 20 hours a day and looking like she wanted to go right back to sleep when she was up.

While preoccupied, I have neglected my classes. I haven't done any of my reading this week so I will have double reading to do next week. Ugh, I feel like I am so behind. Well, at least I have been keeping up with the laundry!

On our adoption front, we actually received more paperwork in the mail. The SWers name is different so I hope it is from the new SW versus just a temporary worker. It would be nice to get our homestudy finished so our name could be put on the registry. We do realize that there are no guarantees on finding a child, but we won't know until we at least get to the point where we can look.

So, we are getting back on track and finding our balance again. Hopefully, we will get back to our "normal" soon.

I hope that everyone has a great evening.

Almost

Today we almost quit foster care. We are worn down. All because I am concerned about how lethargic my baby is.
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This morning the baby's SW and bios took her for a follow up appointment with her doctor. The one who sent her to the hospital and never visited her. He said that the reason she is anemic is because we are watering down bottles! Wow, it is a good thing I wasn't there. It is also a good thing that the SW and the bios both said that they did not believe that we are watering down bottles.
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Having the bios stand up for us is a big thing. It could have very easily gone a different way. They could have gotten mad and requested that their baby be moved. They could have accused us of not taking proper care of their baby. But, they chose not to. They actually stood up for us based on what they have seen of their kids during visitation. We have only met them once, at the hospital.
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So, after such a strong defense of us the doctor determined that the baby has a virus. He didn't even look at her. He didn't even feel that she needed any iron supplements.

So, what do I do if she doesn't improve? Yes, I went and bought some iron supplements today. It is not a prescription so I can do this. I hope that it helps her to become more active but I worry about what is causing the anemia. I know it is not because of her diet and this concerns me.

Can she get proper medical care as a foster child?

Home

John and the baby are home. I have started this post several times and can't seem to be nice. It was a terrible experience and we believe that the fact that we were the foster parents is to blame.

I get more and more cynical every time I try to write so I will take a break and continue tomorrow with, The Perils of Foster Parenting..................

Long Day

Well, after about 3 hours of sleep I started my day in the usual manner, getting kids around. I had a full schedule for today. Clean out the sink area for our new dishwasher, go to the local school for 3 hours for my practicum, call the SW, be here for the installer, pick kids up, get to class and go to the hospital.
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I knew that things would not go smoothly when I got into my car to take kids to school and my glove box and center console were open. I didn't have anything of value in there so I just closed them up and took off.
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I got home at 8:30 and had to be at school in an hour. I needed to talk with the SW, take a shower and clean out the old dishwasher. I was able to talk with the SW and let her know that the baby is in the hospital. I was working on cleaning when the neighbor came over. Apparently his car was locked last night and someone had broken his window to steal whatever he had in there. I guess there is an advantage to not locking your car door. We have never had this problem before, I assume it is teens.
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Shortly after the neighbor left the high school called me. Joselin had a ring stuck on her finger and it was swelling up. I had to go get her and they said to take her to the emergency room. I ran up to the school, brought her home and looked for something to cut the ring off with. I couldn't get it to cut so I went to take a shower and had her put her hand in some ice. I looked in the garage for a bigger cutter and found one. I was able to get the ring off. I had no interest in sitting in the emergency room waiting for them to cut a ring off. She got to stay home and clean out under the sink for me while I went to school.
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After leaving school I picked up Larissa early and headed home. At 12:50 the dishwasher installer called and said that he would be late, he would be here at 2 pm, not 1. Ugh, this was not good. It conflicts with picking up Anthony. So, I went and picked him up early from school and got home in time for the installer.
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The dishwasher got installed and the installer left at 3:15. I needed to leave by 3:30 to get to class. However, I had to pick Kiwi up first. I went to go pick her up and brought her home. I left at 3:40 and made good time getting into town. I actually got to class on time.
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However, I was so tired that I couldn't hardly stay awake! I left at break time to go to the hospital.
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I got to spend some time with John and the baby.

She may be able to go home tomorrow. Her blood results are just off enough for them to be concerned. Tomorrow they are doing an MRI. Apparently we may have missed a major head trauma because we have too many kids. This morning when they determined that she was anemic it was because we didn't feed her properly. I told John to tell them that we do feed her properly and that they should be looking at a medical reason as to why she is anemic. The doctors do not know what the problem is. Seems like all their scenarios involve us either abusing or neglecting her. Oh, and apparently we didn't take her to the doctors on Sunday and she doesn't have an ear infection.

After leaving the hospital I headed to Walmart. I needed to get a toilet donut for Cindy. She lost her bottom teeth over the weekend and thought that they might have dropped in the toilet (long story). No such luck. I also picked up milk just in case and got home by 9:30.

Tired.....I am so very tired. This was my day and it didn't help on top of my lack of sleep last night. I imagine this post is pretty rambling, I guess it matches my brain activity right now.

Natalie, you will have to let me know what I missed in class tomorrow.

I am heading to bed early tonight. Another busy day tomorrow.

Long Night

Well, it is going to be a long night for John and Sarah. I wasn't happy with the ear infection diagnosis for the baby. It just didn't answer my concern for the amount of time she has been sleeping. After she had been on the antibiotics for 24 hours she still hadn't improved so I wanted her seen again. This just happened to coincide with the time I needed to leave for class.
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So, I left John a car seat and he took the baby to the doctors. The doctor sent him to the emergency room. Sarah went with him, I am not sure that she realized that she would be gone all night. They are running tests and want to keep her for the night. I assume that now she will get better because that is the way it seems to go sometimes.
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I would have to say that day care will not happen for her this week. I am not sure if I should drop my class that requires me to go to public school every week. Managing classes, kids schedules and a sick child is challenging.
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I hope that we get good news tomorrow morning. Please say a prayer for her. Her sleeping really worries me.

Urgent Care

We got to spend some time in a new urgent care facility today. The baby has been feeling poorly since her immunizations on Monday. All week she has been slowly getting worse. I had hoped that with a quiet weekend at home that she would bounce back.
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However, today I felt that she was actually getting sicker.
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So, off to the new urgent care facility we went. Let me tell you, it was a much better experience then going to the emergency room. We were actually seen very quickly.

The baby is teething and has an ear infection. She has had a very bad week, so many things combined to make her a miserable baby. We got her prescription filled at KMart and after getting home we realized that they hadn't mixed the medicine. Naturally they were closed by that time so we mixed it according to the directions on the bottle.

I hope that she is able to bounce back quickly. I don't have to go to class until 3:30 tomorrow and I am not scheduled to do my practicum until Tuesday. That is good because she won't be going to daycare tomorrow.

So, needless to say, I didn't get much accomplished today. It is amazing how much a sickly baby wants to be held.

Tour My Florida Room

I call this my Florida Room because of all the windows. The house also has a family room and a living room (otherwise known as the man cave).
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This room used to be an unused patio. The family room wasn't big enough for us so we decided to change the patio to a room. When we first had it built I was concerned that the space would not be used. Turns out, we just about live in this room.
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It is 500 sq ft. I know that is accurate because John and I laid all the tiles ourselves. We also took out the windows and had duct work added. It is still a work in progress. Well, seems like most of my house is. I think that John is getting tired of moving furniture around.
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Nothing fancy....just comfortable. This couch does stay together since I screwed most of the pieces together. I can't screw the entire thing together because of the size. I do know that I will not buy another sectional unless it has a better way of hooking together then this one does.
The french doors are original and lead to our master bedroom. Those two brick walls are the only walls tall enough to fit some of my furniture. The partial wall is a door simply sitting there. I will modify it later if I decide to stick with this design. My corner of the room is on the far left.

The kids computer area. You can see an opening above. The other side of that opening is the seating area in the kitchen. The bead board levels out the two openings along this wall. Table and chairs, ebay, $100 for table, 8 chairs and a china cabinet.

The opening used to be much bigger. There was a huge window on that wall. Problem with it was it went so low you couldn't put a TV on that wall. The window was lower then couch height on the other side. I took out the window and raised the wall. The bead board is there to hide the fact that the opening used to be lower. Adding brickwork that matches is not one of my skills. The opening sat empty for a long time until I found a stained glass window that I liked. I'll have to take a better picture in the light. At 2 am there isn't any natural light in the room.
TV stand, Craigslist.

My desk. I bought it off of the same person who sold me Sarah's bed, Craigslist. It won't be cleared for long, Larissa has already added a small nakie doll for me.

The cabinet used to be a TV cabinet. The new TV's don't fit in them but they are great for storage.

What I have for storage for now. It will evolve over time. I already had the baskets. I bought them a long time ago at Michael's for 50% off. I attempt to organize on a regular basis but seem to have a hard time keeping it up.

I couldn't fit my computer desk on this part of the wall because the space was just a little too small. I wanted to sit by the window so I am playing with what I have at the house.

My old computer desk is now my mail central. I hope to contain all the papers that come into the house to that area. Mail and other papers that come into the house seem to have a way of covering every flat spot in the house. It is nice because I have all my mailing supplies in one place as well as the stapler, hole punch, paper clips and other such stuff. (Oh, and a tub of Barbie stuff that I haven't decided where to put yet). (Craigslist)

I built in this bookshelf. There used to be a window on that wall. The window came out and I decided that shelving would be a great way to hide the hole.

When the weather gets warmer I plan on painting the kids table and chairs in black chalkboard paint. Larissa has been practicing writing her name with black permanent marker. I figure that if she wants to write then I will just go with the flow. Chalk is so much easier to clean up then permanent marker. The crayon could be cleaned off but......well, it doesn't bother me enough to bother. Doesn't that sound so lazy?

So, that is our Florida room. Like I said, nothing fancy, just lived in. Hopefully tomorrow I will finish the family room, then I need to get back to my studying.

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Have a great day!

Organization Weekend

I am attempting to bring some organization to my house this weekend on a zero budget. It is slow going. What do you do with all the little random small stuff. If I just dumped it all together, I wouldn't just have a junk drawer, I would have a junk room.
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Some days I am tempted to just throw it all away and start fresh but I realize that if I do that I will eventually be back to were I am now. Also, when sorting through stuff every now and then I find a gem. Some of those gems are not replaceable.
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First thing I am sorting is my desk. I have no before pictures, I think I have posted those in the past, pretty bad. My desk is the dumping ground. My kids put their stuff on there for "safe keeping". No one is allowed to take stuff from my desk so they believe it to be safe. I guess it is, but it may never be seen again once it is in the "pile".
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I also had my desk in the family room because my desk is tall and wouldn't fit in the Florida room (too many windows). Since it is in the family room the kids have started bringing all their toys in there to hang out where I am. I understand this so I am moving out to the Florida room. One concern of mine is the little ones, they get into everything. So that will have to be addressed. I will see how this all goes.
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On the adoption front we actually heard from the adoption worker. Apparently our connection in adoptions and our licensing worker both contacted her for a status report and it got the ball rolling. She now has all our documentation and someone has to come and do a house visit. Since she is leaving at the end of this month it will be the new worker. I was told not to expect a call until the middle of next month.
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Our licensing worker contacted me and let me know that she heard back from the state regarding our predicament with having too many children. We have been given permission to keep the foster children in our home until they return home. This is a good thing. According to their SW they will be returning home soon and another move would not be in their best interest.
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So, back to work.

Adoption, Slow Going

Some days I am so frustrated by the system. Months ago we decided to start the adoption process. We never received the paperwork from adoption services in spite of repeated calls. During that time we decided that maybe we were meant to wait so we just let it be. Finally one of the workers in the office who knows us dropped a packet in our mailbox.
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We filled it out and returned it. Really it wasn't that long ago but it seems like it was. I called yesterday to see of our packet had arrived in the right place and to also see what else we had to do on our part. Since we were certified foster parents over the summer we already have fingerprinting and medicals. Since we adopted about 1 1/2 years ago they said that they just need to request our homestudy from the state and update it. Should be quick.
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I was told yesterday that they had requested documents from the SW who did our foster care license. That they would look for my file and see about coming out to update our homestudy. It will be a quick process.
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Yea, sounded good until I called our licensing worker and she told me that she has never received a request from adoptions for documents. Apparently the adoption worker is transferring real soon. Our licensing worker did email the adoption worker and ask her if she needed anything for our adoption file since she knew we were going that route.
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I don't appreciate being lied to. Be honest and tell me you hadn't gotten to it yet. Tell me you are transferring soon and giving the file to so and so. Just don't lie to me.
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So, looks like it will be a long process just to get our name put into the database. The thing that bothers me is that right now there may be a child who is meant to be ours sitting in a foster home thinking no one want them.

Something Strange

Something strange happened in my house. For two days I was overwhelmed with a new schedule and trying to get my stride. Today I started to get my head above water and I noticed something strange.
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Someone came into my house and totally trashed it!


A toy factory blew up in the family room too!
Naturally the social worker dropped the kids off today and walked into my chaos. This always happens when my house is at it's worse........always.
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So, I needed therapy. Project therapy. I worked a little on my folding table while doing laundry.

I am feeling a little better now. Huge cleaning party at my house this weekend.

Tired

I don't know why, but I feel so tired today. I wanted to take a nap all day and never had the free time to do so.
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I got the babies off to daycare fine but it felt strange. When I finished all my running around I wanted to go pick them up but I waited. It was 1 pm and I knew they were taking a nap. So, I waited until 2 pm to go get them. They did great for their first day. I was surprised when they told me that if I wanted the kids to have any juice that I had to bring some in. Juice? Really? I kept my mouth shut but I did think that next I'll have to bring a child care provider.
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Joselin and I went to her doctor appointment and then to the the high school. After spending almost 4 hours there we got her a transitional IEP and classes. Joselin and I also had "words" at the school. Joselin feels that the reason she is behind is because of special education. She feels that if she had just been put in regular classes then she wouldn't be behind. Uh, doesn't work that way. She came at the age of 10 with no education and speaking only Spanish. She needed all the help she could get. Her attitude that education wasn't important sure didn't help her cause. We constantly argued over reading and such. Now that she has determined that an education is important and she looks to blame everyone else.
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Let me tell you, the reason that Joselin is literate today is because of some of her special education teachers. Her middle school teacher took her under her wing and tried so hard to help her. Not only in the area of education but about life in general.
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So, when the special education administrator was trying to put together accommodations and Joselin was glaring at her it didn't go over too well with me. I told her that this woman is trying her best to help her and Joselin will show her some respect. When the glare came my way I gave it back and reminded her that I was studying to be a special education teacher and I will not have my child acting that way. She is 17 years old and if she wants to get her education then she needs to step up to the plate. It is time.
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In the end she shaped up and started to cooperate. She got the classes she needs and if she applies herself she can graduate next year. Now the ball is in her court. I hope that she takes advantage of this opportunity. They are offering her some ways to gain back some lost credits.
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In other educational news Sarah passed her HSAP exam. It is an exit exam that high schoolers need to pass here in order to graduate. Sarah took the test last semester and has worried about it ever since. She was so worried that she wouldn't pass it. She walked in the door today grinning from ear to ear. I am so proud of her, she has worked hard to get where she is today.
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I had class myself tonight. Funny, I am enjoying going to school. I enjoy the challenge and the opportunity to interact with other adults. However, in some ways it feels so self centered. I am actually putting myself ahead of the kids, I haven't done that before. I do think that there are some benefits to the kids. They ask me about my class when I get home. Larissa is talking about going to my school when she grows up and is proud to wear her Gamecock shirt. Well, I guess that like many things in life there is a give and take.
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Tomorrow the babies have visitation and I will go to the local middle school for some hands on learning. It should be an interesting day, I am looking forward to it. I wonder what I should wear! I think that at some point I will need to buy some clothing for myself.
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Speaking of clothing, I'd better go and do some laundry. It has been neglected in the last several days.
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Have a great evening.

I Think I Accomplished Something Today

Today was one of those days where you just don't seem to get to stop until you are exhausted. I do think I accomplished something, although it did feel like one of those days where you are just spinning your wheels.
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After I dropped the kids off at school, Joselin and I started our morning trying to enroll her in high school. We had the two babies with us and after 1 1/2 hours they were getting quite cranky. They were waiting on some paperwork from TN so we said we would come back tomorrow and finish up. Hopefully tomorrow we have more success.
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Then we ran by the day care center where the babies will be going. Their social worker had set it up for us so I hadn't even checked the place out. We get ABC vouchers which pay for part of their daycare but not all of it. The place was really nice and it was a place I would send my own child to so I feel good about that. I think that Kiwi will benefit from being with other kids her age. I hope that it will help her speech and maybe even give her a clue about using a potty (she has no interest). The baby will be one next month and I think she will be fine.
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The plan is for them to go there from about 8 am to 2 pm while I do my observations in local schools. I really thought that they were going home in December so I wouldn't have to put them in any daycare. However, that didn't happen so we do what we must.
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I must admit that I haven't dealt with daycares in a while and I was surprised by what we have to supply. The list:

box of kleenex
2 change of clothing
diapers
bottles
2 box of wipes
blanket
liquid soap
box of ziplock sandwich bags
2 rolls of clorox wipes
2 rolls of paper towels
baby food
formula
crib sheet
box of 100 plastic spoons

Some of it I understand, diapers, wipes and formula. However, I feel like I am paying for their convenience in cleaning and throwing away spoons every day. I don't even know how much this is going to cost so I can't determine if all the supplies are to keep costs down or not.
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After checking out the daycare and getting all the paperwork I headed home. The babies got fed and put to bed and I then called the babies doctor to get immunization records done up for the daycare. I also emailed the teacher who I will be working with for the next 4 weeks. I didn't want to email her until I was sure I had daycare. If I wouldn't have gotten daycare I would have dropped that class.
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I called Jason and let him know that I was on my way to pick him up to go to the DMV. I left the sleeping babies with Joselin and headed out. The DMV, well sad to say, they were no help at all. first they acted as though we had never been there. Then they said that perhaps the person misread the computer and didn't dig deep enough to figure out the problem. The problem....we had to pay $25 for a new license. So, we paid for the license and he is legal again (I hope). We are going to have to see what the judge thinks at the court hearing. I bet Jason is stuck with a $240 fine. I am still not happy with that situation.
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I got back home again and exchanged emails with the teacher. I will be working with her on Thursday and Friday this week. I think that next week I will do three days. So, I did get that accomplished! Then I was on a roll and was able to pick up the shot records and kids from school.
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Then I headed out to class. I was about to bolt when he said that it was a doctorate level class. I guess I should have noticed that most of my classes are 6 or 700's and this one is an 800 class. I do enjoy this instructor so it should be an interesting class. The title scared me when I signed up....single-case research designs. Huh? Sometimes I feel so out of my league of SAHM.
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After class I got to head to Walmart to buy what supplies I needed for the daycare. Wow, I don't use those Clorox wipes and I was surprised at how much they cost. I guess you pay for convenience. $114 later I got to head home and fill out all the paperwork that they need.
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I do believe that I am going to head to bed after I find some blankets and a sheet and label them. Ugh, I guess some clothing too and label them. I have a whole lot of new routines I need to get used to.
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Tomorrow is first day of daycare, Joselin doctor appointment and hopefully register her in class and then class for myself.

Nighttime

I love the the nighttime. I am a night person and always have been. I know that some folks love the early morning time before everyone else is awake. That is not me, I like to sleep in the morning.
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Right now the house is quiet. The dog is asleep in her crate and every now and then I hear the rustling of her big pillow.
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All the TV's and other electronics are turned off and it is so quiet for a change. No electronic toys or childrens chatter. I have checked all the doors and locked them while heading upstairs to check on the babies.
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They are all asleep with full bellies and for the moment covered up (whether they need it or not). Both of the foster babies sleep on their bellies and look so peaceful, resting for tomorrows adventures.
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Larissa is moved away from the edge of her bed so that maybe she will make it through the night without falling out. I wonder when she changed from sleeping on her belly to side sleeping. It just happened and I didn't notice it. Funny how that happens, they grow up when you aren't looking.
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The teenagers are in hiding so that I can't tell them that tomorrow is school and they should think about going to bed.
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I have no prying eyes, I could eat all the chocolate I want and wouldn't have to share with anyone.
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The heat is running, maybe too high. The gas company loves us. The power is working and the roof doesn't leak. Wind doesn't howl through our walls. The pantry is filled with too many food choices.
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Our house holds many kids tonight; they are safe, fed and loved. What a blessing we have been given.
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I notice the blessings the most in the peace and quiet of the night.

Confession

I have a confession, I never did the WIC appointment for Kiwi and I don't plan on doing one. I will tell the SW that if the parents want WIC for her then they can schedule an appointment for her after they get her back. Also, I don't plan on going to the WIC appointment for the baby in February (she will be one year old).
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Why? Because after they are off of formula I just don't see that the value is worth my time. I do not have an interest is sitting at the health department waiting for them to do their little physical on the kids. Sitting there waiting for them to call me for the vouchers. Sitting in on another class (that I have gone to numerous times with other foster kids).
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I also don't care to hold up the line at the grocery store while they figure out how to process each voucher and take forever doing it. I don't care for all the glares from others waiting in line.
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Oh, I will do it for the formula vouchers because formula is so expensive. But, after the baby is off formula, no more WIC appointments for me.
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We did go to Walmart tonight to pick up the formula. When I got in line there were no other customers in line. I didn't bother to look back at the other customers but I did notice the line growing. My husband was with me and I guess he did look at them. He said they were all getting annoyed. I figured that they were because the cashier was having some problems. Everyone is in such a hurry these days and any delay causes aggravation.
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So, while I was waiting for the cashier to process the WIC vouchers I determined that I had enough. I will use next months formula vouchers and then I will be done with WIC (at least with these foster kids). Ah, it feels great to rid myself of that obligation.
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Other then the WIC voucher fiasco my day was good. We attended church this morning and have decided to transfer our membership. We are also working on getting a Bible study group in our home on Sunday afternoons.
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The church we are going to is a little different. I guess it is the modern church. They have a band and wear jeans. I actually like the jeans, I don't feel judged by what I am wearing. They also encourage small group Bible studies and we like that idea. It allows for more personal fellowship. Also, Sarah went on a ski trip with the youth group and enjoyed herself. She has decided to attend the Wednesday night youth group meetings. That shall be a challenge since I have class that night.
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After church we went to lunch and then John and I went to a movie together....just the two of us!
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Tomorrow John will be home and I don't have class. I have doctor appointments for both foster babies. Kiwi got her 2 year shots last week but has a follow up on her MRSA and the baby needs two shots. I really do not like holding babies for shots. Hmmm, wonder if I can get John to do that.
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John asked me today about our adoption paperwork. I really haven't heard anything so I guess I need to call on Tuesday or Wednesday. Tuesday's schedule is filling up. I need to see what else we need to do. We did a lot when we got certified to foster and they have our adoption home study from when we adopted Anthony and Larissa. So, I have no idea how much updating needs to be done. The snow here just about stopped the state for several days so everything is behind. I guess I need to at least make sure that our paperwork got to the right person.
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Well, we had a nice, quiet, uneventful day....just like I like them. I hope that everyone else had a great day too.

Never Boring Here

Can you guess where I spent my morning?

I spent it sitting at the jail waiting for Jason.

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Long story short, about 2 years ago Jason failed to take a copy of his vehicle registration to the courthouse to get a ticket cleared. So they suspended his license. They didn't bother to send him any notification (I know, I get his mail). He got pulled over a while back and was ticketed for driving with a suspended license. I was shocked to learn that the entire time we lived in Texas he had been driving with a suspended license and he never got pulled over.

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For Christmas he got his fees paid and his license reinstatement fee paid. I paid the reinstatement fee online and it still didn't show his license was reinstated. Because it wasn't coming up right we went to the DMV in December. We told the folks at the DMV that his license wasn't showing up right online. They said it was fine. I reiterated that online it said he had to do something else to get his license back. We wanted to know what it was. We thought he had to reapply for a new one. She looked on the computer and stated that we had paid all the fees and his license was fine. She handed him back his license.

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Well, around midnight last night I received a call from Jason. He had been pulled over and they were taking him to jail because HE DIDN'T HAVE A LICENSE. He was driving without a license and they automatically take you to jail for that. The officer was nice and let my husband and I go get his car instead of having it towed and having to pay a steep fee for that.

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So, because the folks at the DMV didn't do their job Jason got to spend the night in the jail. I then got to spend most of my morning in jail waiting for his judge to come. They said the judge comes between 7:30 and 8 am....he showed up at 10:30. They released him and gave him a court date.

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You can bet that our first stop on Tuesday will be the DMV.

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Freedom

I will add that Jason wants his story told, he gave me permission to post this.

Joselin

How is Joselin doing?
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Testing, retreating, cooperating, questioning, realizing, more testing.
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Honestly, I don't know. Joselin has used deceit and manipulations for so long with me that I can't tell what is the truth from a lie from her. I hope, I pray for some level of understanding on her part. I pray for some healing and growth on her part. That maybe she is ready to move forward. But, honestly, I don't know.
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She is currently having a medical issue that is a direct result of some of her bad life decisions. (No, she is not pregnant). She has seemed shocked that many of the things I tell her are true. That I have tried to help her, tried to protect her from her dangerous decisions. She has said that I was right on more then one occasion.
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She has tested me and has retreated when I held my ground. She has taken items from me and when I asked about them she has returned them. She says that she was only borrowing them, I explained that in order to borrow you must first ask.
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She is doing her chores. Trying to cooperate. Being obedient as well as she is capable of. There is generally peace at the home at this time.
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She is working on her scrapbook. I have given her access to my scrapbooking supplies. I have taken her to Walmart and made copies of pictures for her. I have looked at her scrapbook and she is actually working on it. She labeled a bunch of pictures of Jason as brother. She has spent many hours going through pictures. She comes down talking about forgotten memories.
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I know how when I was a kid how I enjoyed going through old pictures at my moms and grandparents. We have years of pictures with Joselin in them. Do they give her any sense of history in the family. Do they make her feel a part of the family?
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I have been so frustrated over the years, trying to get her to move forward. I wanted to push, pull, grab and shove her forward. She has always stated that she couldn't. She recognizes that she is stuck. Therapists haven't helped. What does? Time? A big life event? Maturing? I imagine that for some people it never happens, they are forever stuck in a tragic point in their life. How sad that is, not what I want for my child.
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I have fear. Fear that she will take advantage of my forgiving nature. It is well known that I am the softie, the one who forgives all, the one who is willing to move forward and forgive even if I get hurt again. I guess that I would rather get hurt again then not give one of my children another opportunity. I can take the pain. I can take the disappointment. I can't accept that I may miss an opportunity for healing because of my fear.
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So I put my fear aside and open myself to being hurt again. What else can I do? To do otherwise is to admit defeat. I am too stubborn for that. However, my eyes are wide open. I know very well that this time of peace may not last long. I will take it while it lasts.

No Longer Lazy, Just Crazy

Well, I didn't have class tonight after all. Thankfully I decided to check my school email. Apparently the school is open for classes but each instructor could cancel their class if they felt it was necessary. We do have some students in my program who come from 2 hours away.
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The kids school has cancelled class for tomorrow. Cindy has her two grandsons living with her and they were driving her crazy so she brought them over to my house. Add a few teenagers to the mix, no one will notice. I sure get some good usage out of the bench seat I built several years ago. You can fit a lot of goofballs on it. (The food is Zaxby's and one Sonic person all on paper plates)

Add one sister in law and it is complete.

The boys are staying over tonight so we will have a full house. Joselin made dinner....pepperoni rolls. I am sure that they will eat me out of house and home before the night is over.

I decided to go out to Lowe's tonight to get some paint for my craft room. I guess I must be getting too old, my kids were shocked that I was leaving the house after dark. While there I checked out the dishwashers. I sure need a new one. I didn't buy one but I was mighty tempted. I need to wait until this weekend when my husband is home. He has to be in on every large purchase, that way if something goes wrong with it I don't get all the blame!

I did come home with some paint. I had to laugh.....it ended up being the same color as my recently painted new closet. I guess I must be stuck on that color right now. My craft room is currently white because I painted it neutral for the real estate agent. I really don't do white, especially in my craft area.

Ugh, Larissa just fell out of Sarah's bed. She has been falling out of beds for awhile now and I am not sure what to do about. Sarah's bed is extra high so it was an extra loud thump. I really want to build her a loft dollhouse bed with steps. It is not possible to roll out of it. Yea, put that on my list of things to do.

Tomorrow I have two doctors appointments, Kiwi and Joselin, and dance for Larissa. It will be a full day. Friday I should have my first day of class and hopefully the kids will be back in school. John will be back home then as well. Wow, it seems like this week is flying by.

So, I actually did some laundry, made doctors appointments, handled four teens and four 7 and under kids, made a trip to WalMart and later Lowe's and started painting. Quite a random day but I am no longer lazy, just crazy.

I hope everyone else is having a great day. Mine was great.

Feeling Real Lazy

I am feeling real lazy these days. Actually, extremely lazy. I wonder if the snow is to blame.

I live in the south for a reason! We lived in Michigan for one year and they had record snows that year. It was enough for me. This is actually the first time since we have lived here that we have had two snow storms in one winter season. The snow is actually still on the ground after three days.

The kids don't have school today but I do have class tonight. That means I will have to actually get out in the cold. I really like my nice warm home. Have I mentioned that I moved south for a reason?

Well, I know why I don't post during the day often. I started this hours ago and have been distracted by kids all morning long. Now they are looking at me for lunch.

I'll be back later.

Military Acronyms

When I start typing away I forget that some people have no idea of what I am talking about. That happens with military, adoption and a lot of mental illness acronyms.
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PMCS...uh, I have no clue what the letters stand for but I do know that it means going out in the cold weather and thoroughly inspecting a vehicle. Now let me explain, I am an admin person. The last time I did a PMCS they were driving different vehicles, not these fancy hummers. They handed me some paperwork and I was successful in determining which vehicle it was in the line up. Uh, only I had no clue how to start it. I asked the kid in the vehicle next to me (by kid I mean a soldier who is younger then my son). He tried to start it and it was dead. He said to grab the slave cable and we would jump it. Naturally he received a blank stare from me. So he showed me the slave cable and it was actually pretty interesting, looked like a big plug.
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So he got my vehicle started and I sat in it for awhile defrosting....uh, I mean inspecting the inside. You know, checking the seat belts and such. After I could feel my fingers I was able to determine how to open the hood and check the oil. Next I was looking around for the transmission thingy to check it. Thankfully they called lunch and I got a reprieve.
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During lunch I admitted to my fellow lunch buddies that I had no clue what I was doing. So a young soldier (another kid younger then my son) came out and showed me what to look for. After the PMCS was done there was a driving test. Whew, I no longer carry a military drivers license so I got to go in and find some other way to look busy.
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Now I do know what MOS means, military occupational speciality. It is what job you do. Back in my young days I started out in the Army Reserves. Initially I was a combat medic. I married and moved and there were no jobs for that field so I went to school to be a 96B, military intelligence. Another move and I went to school to do psychological operations. Another move and I got tired of school so I became an admin person. They need those everywhere. I got out of the reserves and stayed out for a long time. When I went back in I joined the Army National Guard. I don't know, a moment of insanity.
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I went in as an admin person and it was great until all the units restructured and admin positions were pulled from the line units, uh, I mean a lot of units. So, I sit here with 4 MOS's and no position. They are looking for me a unit with an admin opening. Problem with that is all those other admin folks are looking for places too. I really don't care to go to another school and honestly don't have the time. Besides, all those kids make me feel old. When you are working with kids who knew your kids in high school it is strange.
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So, 2011 is shaping up to be an interesting year. My first day of class was cancelled due to snow. I have a feeling that day two will be also. I had appointments for the two babies today that needs to be rescheduled and the pets appointment tomorrow is cancelled. Geez, so much for actually fighting my procrastination and finally making those appointments. Now I have to do it all over again.
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Somehow I feel that I have confused more then enlightened. Well, it is my life.

Have a great evening.

My Weekend

It was a long weekend, it was a cold weekend. It would be nice if they would give me some cold weather gear before they ask me to go out and do a PMCS on a vehicle. My face is pink, chapped from the cold and wind.
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My unit has decided that instead of me getting a new MOS that I should get into an unit with an opening with one of my MOS's, I have 4. So, they are looking and I have a feeling that it won't be close to home.
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Either way I will be nagging my unit for some cold weather gear because my next drill will be weapons qualification. I normally do well with that but if I am shivering hard I may have a hard time hitting the targets. If I remember well that last time I qualified on the M16 it was raining and cold.
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My first class is tomorrow. I am waiting to see if I will actually have class. We are expecting snow and if that happens then just about everything will close down. Our state isn't prepared to deal with snow or ice. If it does snow then it will be the first time since we moved here that it actually snowed more then once in the winter. Is colder then normal weather a sign of global warming? I only ask because this has been the coldest winter here in a long time.
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Since getting back home I have been catching up on reading my favorite blogs (I have many). One blog lead me to this from Reeces Rainbow.

http://reecesrainbow.blogspot.com/2010/09/while-we-wait.html

Makes me think. When we adopted the first time we adopted internationally because we thought that the needs of the kids were higher. In some countries getting adopted might just mean the difference between life and death.
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After doing an international adoption we decided to do something more locally and so we chose to foster. We didn't foster to specifically adopt. We always felt that if the right kids came into our home who came up for adoption then we would adopt. That was how we adopted Anthony and Larissa, they had been our foster kids for almost 3 years before they got TPR.
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Now we have put in our paperwork to adopt again and I will admit that there is a small part of me that would like to add to our family internationally again. Perhaps Ethiopia or that region. There is such a need but we can only do so much.
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Sometimes I do wonder why I feel such a strong calling to adopt. I know that my poor husband would like for that call to go away. However, he has accepted my calling and has provided well for all of our children. During this time of economic upheaval we are doing well. Could that be because we are answering the call? Sometimes I do wonder.
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Do you ever feel called to do something? How do you tell the difference between what is His will and what is your own? (Seriously I would like to know!)
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Well, time to go do laundry and catch up on Cityville. I hope that everyone has a great evening.

Life

The babies had visitation today. I was able to talk with their social worker. Basically there is no more fight. The kids will be going home...possibly before March. I understand that fighting it is too difficult. What do you do when someone has completed their plan but there really aren't any changes in the home? Really, their hands are tied. I pray that some change has taken place that we are not aware of. The SW expects them to be back into care one day. What do the kids have to go through before there is change? Yes, being a foster parent can be painful.
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Tomorrow morning I get to head to Greenville again. I will be on the road by 5am for another weekend of drill. I really don't like travelling so far away for drill and being gone the entire weekend. I was told that it wouldn't be too difficult to get out at this time yet nothing has happened. I submitted my paperwork before Christmas and it is just sitting there. I have decided that I need to have a better attitude about this situation. Ugh, but it is hard!
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I am going to take some time this weekend to get some class reading done. My classes start on Monday and I feel so unprepared. I haven't finished half of what I wanted to get done. Actually, I took a break from everything. Time to get back into the swing of things. I have doctor appointments next week for the babies and Joselin. Eye exam appointments for most of us in the next two weeks. I need to make some calls to see why Anthony and Larissa are not on our vision plan and check the dental plan before I make appointments. Even the cat and dog have appointments next week to get spayed (or whatever the proper term is). I just need to make sure I remember all of them because no one else will.
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Well, 4 am will come too soon so I'd better go and try and sleep. It will actually be hard for me since I am a night time person. I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Priorities

Some days I struggle. There are so many THINGS to do in my house. How do I prioritize? How do I accomplish everything and stay sane. At what point do I let things slide? What do I let slide?
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Honestly, many things slide. Some days I forget to sign papers for teachers. Some days I ignore that homework sheet. Sometimes I let Larissa's hair go for an extra week when it probably should have been re braided. I forget appointment, forget to make appointments. Cancel appointments (oh, need to cancel tomorrows WIC appointment because visitation got changed to tomorrow).
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Today I decided it was time to clean off my desk. Actually, you probably wouldn't notice a change but I do. While clearing (tossing) the stacks of junk mail, school fliers and such I came across Larissa's book.
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She received a copy of The Gingerbread Man from her teacher for Christmas. She put it on my desk for me to read it to her and it got lost in a mass of papers.
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While I was in the middle of cleaning my desk Larissa saw her book. She asked for me to read it to her. My first reaction was to say that I was busy right now, I almost did. Something made me decide to stop and read her the book.
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I was reading and doing a good job not taking any shortcuts when suddenly Larissa stood up and put her hands on her hips. She recited the next section, "Run! Run! Fast as you can! You can't catch me! I'm the Gingerbread Man!". Obviously she knew the story well. We had great fun reading the story.
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It made me realize that she now has a life outside of home that I don't really know. She can sing songs I've never heard and has experiences that I don't know about. She can recite parts of The Gingerbread Man and I didn't even know she knew the story. My baby is growing up...next she will be asking for the keys to the car.
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So, my desk didn't get completely cleaned today. I got sidetracked once again by life. Today my child needs me, she wants me. Every day she needs me just a little less. One day she won't want me to read her stories anymore.
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Does it really hurt if those appointments don't get made in a timely manner? Does that dust really hurt anything? Do all those socks really need to be matched?
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Some days I get sidetracked. I get bogged down in the business of life. Sometimes I just need to stop and really look at those around me. Stop and give 100% of my attention to my children, to my husband, to the people around me....even sometimes to myself. Sometimes we moms forget ourselves.
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So, I guess that is something to work on this year......get my priorities in the right order. I am sure that I will have many lapses.

Update on My Update

Did I mention that things change in foster care....sometimes daily.
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I almost wasn't going to post tonight. I am not too happy about the new turn of events. I thought that if I posted I would give away too much information so I need to choose my words carefully.
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Things have changed in my kids case. I still believe that they will go home in March but to both parents. Mom left her safe place and went back to dad. It makes me sad but there isn't a thing I can do about the outcome of this case.
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My job is to make sure that while they are in my care they grow. Not just physically, but emotionally and developmentally. I will do my job. Now I have to trust that DSS, the GAL and the courts do their job to protect the children. Unfortunately that doesn't always happen.
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Sometimes I feel so powerless as a foster parent. Well, I am going off to sulk. I hope that everyone else has a great evening. Mommas, hug your kids.

Foster Care Update

It is quite possible that we may get to watch those little feet learn take off on their own.

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The baby.....when she came she was not able to sit up and had no attachment. She is now at the cruising stage and is firmly attached. She is babbling and interacting great.
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She loves to do a little dance when you sing to her and she doesn't mind at all if you really can't sing at all.
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She was fussy a day last week and I thought that she was getting sick. Instead she was getting two new teeth, she now has 6. With those teeth she loves to eat. She loves Mexican food (specifically San Jose).
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I consider her to be on target emotionally and developmentally.
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Kiwi......she has been a harder nut to crack. No attachment and a very flat effect. We were seriously concerned about the flat effect and then all of a sudden last week she started to open up. She has become more animated and is interacting better.
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I have some concerns developmentally. I do not think that her language is progressing like it should. We have requested an evaluation by Babynet to see if she qualifies for early intervention services.
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She plays well with Larissa and tries her best to keep up with her. Larissa does talk to Kiwi quite a lot, her selective mutism does not exist inside of our home.
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She no longer fears the dog or cat! No more screaming every time a pet comes into her eyesight.
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Because of her language delays she quite frequently expresses herself with a piercing cry. We have been trying to break her of that habit and encourage her to communicate. She is pointing more frequently.
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I consider her to be progressing with attachment and possibly exhibiting developmental delays.
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When will they go home? MAYBE March. Mom and dad are battling over the kids right now. In March there is a trial scheduled. However, this is foster care and that could change.....several times.
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We are actually in a precarious place right now. In our state, as a foster parent you are only allowed to have 5 children under the age of 18 in your home. When Joselin came home that put us at 6 children. We have requested that the children stay in our home because moving them would be harmful to them. We don't know that status of that request. As of now there seems to be no movement to move them. But, once again, this is foster care, it could change tomorrow. It has taken Kiwi so long to settle in here, a move before going home would be detrimental for her.
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Sometimes, no news is good news. Things change so quickly in foster care and you have to learn to bend with it or it will tear you up. OK, it tears you up anyways. Sometimes they really do not do what is in the best interest of the child and knowing that doesn't make it any easier.
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I have posted a picture of Larissa. She wanted to share with you her new hairstyle with beads. We don't do beads too often but she loves the sound they make when she shakes her head.

Doesn't she look so pleased? With this child and her brother, I KNOW without a doubt that they are in a much better place because of their adoption. Foster care really did rescue them.

On that positive note, I am off to do laundry. I wish everyone a joyful evening.

Oooops!

Well, I thought I had a good idea. Those Playmobil playsets are really great but they come with a LOT of little parts. Anthony and Larissa love to play with them and the two foster babies love to eat them. So the plan was to put them on a play table to at least keep the parts in one spot.
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The idea went great until I tried to lift the school up.....and it broke into many small pieces.
It was a mess. Thankfully Santa's elves left the directions for putting it together and I was able to get it looking like a school again. However, it was not what I had planned for my afternoon.

I got it together and the kids set it up. They really enjoy playing with those sets. Larissa has always liked manipulating small pieces in playhouses and Polly Pockets so I knew she would enjoy these. I would love to have one of those Victorian mansions that they retired.
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This is my last week before my school starts and I have a lot of things to do. I think that tomorrow I will build my folding table for my laundry room and get somewhere with that project. I also need to work in Sarah's room. I have lots of medical type appointments I need to make. Medical, dental and eye exams for just about everyone. Yuck, I also have that dreaded WIC appointment in Friday.
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I know that once my classes begin I am going to be overwhelmed with everything. During last semester I had made the decision that I would only take two classes this semester......uh, instead I am taking four. Crazy me and crazy academic advisor for strongly suggesting I take them all while they are offered. My program is so small that not all classes are offered all the time. I have 15 classes that I need to take before I can do my semester of student teaching. If I am missing a class and it is not offered then I could cause a delay in completing the program.
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I want to finish as soon as possible so that we have some level of flexibility if John can't get a job back home. One option is for me to get a teaching job on the west side of the state and rent a house where we can all live together while still maintaining our permanent residence. Of course, the easiest thing would be for John to get a local job but that is looking slim right now.
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It is strange how I start talking about a mistake I made and drift into my challenges of the week. I obviously didn't follow an outline and am not an accomplished writer! Such is my life, chaotic at times.
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Well, I have to get the kids to school too early in the morning so I am off to bed.

Have a great evening.

Putting Them to Work

The teens. Yesterday was a beautiful day here. The snow had melted and the temperatures were warm. In my living room sat four teenagers (two of mine and two great nephews). Four teenagers sitting together and none of them talking to each other. They were all in their own little worlds with their own electronics.
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What has happened to talking face to face anymore? I think that this generation is in danger of losing a lot of social skills.
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Anyway they needed to get off the couch and I had yard work that needed done. So an offer was made (money, the language of teenagers) and outside they went.

Dead plants got cleared....
the weeping mulberries got trimmed......

and lots of leaves got raked up.

The yard looks much better, the kids got to earn a few bucks and more importantly, they got out in the fresh air.

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Today was another beautiful day but I couldn't motivate myself to do much. I did get to Lowe's to buy a bi fold door. I have plans for it and being a bi fold door is not in its future. Hopefully I will get to that project this week.

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Tomorrow we go to church and then John heads back to Augusta. School for the kids starts on Monday and then a week later for myself. Back to the grindstone. The break has been great even if I didn't accomplish all that I needed to.

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Well, it is off to bed for me. Have a great evening.